Sorry.

Andy steps up to the Gelson's Deli Counter. TELEVISION ACTRESS bumps into him with her shopping cart.

TELEVISION ACTRESS: Oh, I'm sorry.

ANDY: I'm sorry.

TELEVISION ACTRESS: No, I'm sorry.

ANDY: No, I'm sorry.

TELEVISION ACTRESS: No, I'm sorry.

ANDY: Sorry.

They laugh at the ridiculousness of the situation, then stand there awkwardly in silence for two minutes as they wait for their number to be called.

Spare Change

A DUDE walks by on Hollywood Blvd. at midnight as Andy waits for his car at the Valet stand.

DUDE: Hey, dude. You got a spare dollar?

The dude looks at the dollar in Andy's hand, intended for the Valet.

ANDY: I have a dollar, but it's not spare. Sorry.

Faux Pas

Andy walks out of a gated house. The gate to leave is not moving. A WOMAN walks up on the other side.

WOMAN: Press the button.
ANDY: What button?
WOMAN: On the pole over there. Press the button to open the gate.
ANDY: Oh!

Andy sees a button and presses it, effectively destroying it under his fingers.

ANDY: That was a SNAIL!
WOMAN: It's on the other side.
ANDY: THAT was a SNAIL!
WOMAN: Please!
ANDY: THAT WAS A SNAIL!

Waitresses

Andy orders breakfast at his favorite place. A WAITRESS in her mid-30s walks up.

ANDY: I'll have the veggie omelette.
WAITRESS: Our manager changed the veggie omelette on Friday. Are you sure you don't want to see the menu?
ANDY: Yeah, I'm sure. It doesnt matter. Your eggs are amazing.
WAITRESS: Thank you.
ANDY: I don't mean YOUR eggs.

Waitress walks away, after a very awkward beat.

Telemarketers.

Time Warner Telemarketer: Are you satisfied with your internet service?
Me: Yes, I am very satisfied with what I have.
Time Warner Telemarketer: What do you have?
Me: Satisfaction.
Time Warner Telemarketer: Satisfaction?
Me: Yes. I couldn't get no satisfaction for a while.
(Pause)
Time Warner Telemarketer: Allright. Well, then if you're Satisfied, I'm satisfied.
Me: I like that in a woman.
(Dial tone.....)

The new Blog that Nobody wants to read

Me: "I'm starting a blog. Who's with me?"

Crickets CHIRP.